Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
