Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
