Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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