Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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