I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
