Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
