i wish peter jackson would direct porn
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
