Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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