i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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