Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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