Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
