My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize