I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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