I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
