Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
