I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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