My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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