i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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