There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
