It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
