The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
