I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
