You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
