He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
