Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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