Whod you bang
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm so fucking centered right now
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
