Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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