at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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