I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
