Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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