think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
