therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
