we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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