Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
