Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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