I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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