who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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