I must be too annoying 4 u.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
