I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Drunk walkin through police station. America
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize