Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
