she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
