you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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