She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need to calm my uterus...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
