A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
