just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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