did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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