Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
