We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
