i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
