If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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