Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
