Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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