I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
