I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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