Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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