Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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