eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Congratulations! We have a period
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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