There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just invented taco cereal.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
