OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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