The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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