So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
