i need an iv and a liver transplant
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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