The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
