That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize