No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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