I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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