She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
