I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
