u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize