Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize