Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
