'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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