Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
