you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
