in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
