My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
