Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
