I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
