Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
