No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
