Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
