I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
