Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize