So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
