Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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