Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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